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A pile of exhaustion and sadness.

I don't even know where to begin, other than today feels like a pit of exhaustion and sadness. I went to my first chiropractor appointment this morning at 8am and I never really was able to wake up after. I tried mustering up some joyful energy to wish Noam a happy opening for Left on Tenth, but I know he could feel the strained musings as well. After that I put up two Christmas trees at Maw's house before going to lunch with her Kay and Gus - what a lunch that was. We saw Deanie Ackerman, she is such a soft and beautiful lady. The food and the conversation completely drained the 30% battery that I had left. I took a nap - 15 minutes turned to 30 turned to 45. Finally, I got up and tried to do more Christmas with Maw, but truth be told we were both overwhelmed and exhausted. I told her I was going to the gym, but I knew I'd be coming home. I came home and got right in bed. Fell asleep and then mom got home. We talked to dad about the tree that he cut down in the back yard today before going to Maw's to pick her up for dinner. We at the usual Mexican food fare. I was so in need of introversion time that you could sense it in every move I made - or lack there of. Having lived a lone, truly alone in my own house, this transition is really taking me for a spin. It was so sad to see Maw want to decorate so hard but truly not be able to muster the energy to do what she loves to do. She also wasn't physically feeling well today, she reported neasusa in the morning. Mom and I are worried about her in general, as usual. We have a follow-up appointment with her radiologist tomorrow morning. In terms of my work/project; I started to write notes for Savannah's meeting tomorrow and got as far as writing her name and the date at the top of the page - that's all. That is an astute depiction of the progress. I do really hope that tomorrow's chat is educational and inspiring - not to put too much pressure on her. I didn't even go to the gym today because I was that tired and was trying to be kind to myself. The nap that I took when I got home didn't lead to gentle thoughts, but I thought about what Kirsten shared that Roxanne would suggest; that even if you don't fall asleep to just lay there and let your body rest. I am so torn because I have an intense desire to keep moving while at the same time having an intense desire for deep rest. The book, The Best Little Boy in the World, came today and I am so looking forward to reading it. Reading at night is something that I have come around to really enjoying the past few days. It has been Alice Walker, but we are going to pause her programming for right now. Wishing for a brighter day tomorrow.

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